Enid Speaks
I was so close to ridding us all of the disgusting creature known as Baar. My plan was perfect:
Wed afternoon I forced myself to be on the same floor as Stupid Dog and pushed the thing humans use when taking him outside into his crate knowing he would chew on it.
He chewed on it exactly as I thought he would. I am brilliant.
The one who is not Joe arrived home early and almost foiled my plan. She took SD to the car (can you belive that he likes to ride in the car?) and purchased him a new one. Fortunately she purchased the wrong one and hated it.
Joe came home and repaired Stupid Dog's damaged walking apparatus as I knew he would. Joe is very clever - almost as clever as I am.
Late at night I went downstairs and lossened the knot. Ezra was very impressed as I knew he would be. As I said, I am brilliant.
When she woke up this morning, I allowed the one that is not Joe to hold me when she woke up. She loves me and can not resist me which forced Joe to take Stupid Dog outside (as he has to use the bathroom outdoors - how uncivilized). My plan worked perfectly, the knot let go and Stupid Dog ran away!
But then things went horribly wrong. Joe chased Stupid Dog all over the neighboorhood! I assumed he would be glad to see him go but was unable to trick the one that is not Joe into releasing him. Poor Joe was somehow tricked into running several streets away in his pajamas. Fortunately Stupid Dog did not come to him.
By then the one who is not Joe figured that something was wrong. I tried to distract her by coming downstairs for the first time in the morning since Stupid Dog darkened my doorway but she was not fooled. She left with the car and Joe's coat and they drove around until they found Stupid Dog and brought him home.
Do not worry dear readers. I have not given up. I will find away to rid my beautiful home of Stupid Dog. After all, I am brilliant.
posted by Baar (aka Baar pronounced Bear) @ 9:55 AM
2 comments
2 Comments:
Dear Enid,
I have no doubt of your brillance and know that some day your plan will come to fruition. It has to because you are so smart and did I mention beautiful? In the mean time, could you try to like Barry AKA Baar? Please, please? If you even just pretend to, I will bring you a can of tuna. and a catnip toy. and a bowl of milk (the cat kind). I can understand your disgust for his uncivilized behavior of going to the bathroom outside, but I bet Joe thinks that is a great place for him to go. If you need any reprieve Enid, feel free to call me. We will go out and chase mice or something.
Melanie
Dear Melanie
You are of course correct. I am very beautiful and my plan will eventually work. Stupid Dog must be stopped. Your eloquence almost had me convinced that you are in fact a feline but your request that I do the impossible and "try to like" Stupid Dog gave you away.
Of course I can not pretend to. He might become convinced (not being as intelligent as I am) and one can't have Stupid Dog's thinking you like them.
However I may take you up on your offer to chase mice. I am a very deadly huntress. Mommy insists I'm allergic to spiders so we will have to humor her and stay away from them but mice should be acceptable.
Enid
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