Letter to Attorney - Enid Speaks
Dear Melanie,It is time to proceed with the eviction. Being so smart, I have taken the liberty of drafting the notice as the one who is not Joe explained that you have been otherwise occupied.
Notice of Eviction
To: Stupid Dog (aka Barry, aka Baar)
The purpose of this letter is to ask you to LEAVE the premises now in your possession, situated in Cleveland, Cuyahoga County, Ohio and known as Enid’s House together with the lot of land on which these premises are located. You are being asked to leave for the following reason:
1. Being dirty and stinky (unlike clever cats you do not clean yourself).
2. Not using a litter box like a civilized kitty.
3. Peeing on the bed the one who is not Joe sleeps in and (more importantly) Enid and Ezra use for relaxation and bird watching.
4. Scarfing down Enid and Ezra’s food and leaving dog drool in our dishes.
5. Drinking Enid and Ezra’s water and getting dog germs all over that bowl as well.
6. Trying to approach Enid without first requesting and being granted, an audience.
7. Chasing Enid. Pretty kitties are NOT for chasing.
8. Spending time with Joe and the one who is not Joe. Those are Enid’s humans.
9. Breathing Enid’s Air
Your compliance with this notice within [3] days after its service will prevent any further eviction action against you.
YOU ARE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE THE PREMISES. IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE, AN EVICTION ACTION MAY BE INITIATED AGAINST YOU. IF YOU ARE IN DOUBT REGARDING YOUR LEGAL RIGHTS AND OBLIGATIONS AS A TENANT, IT IS RECOMMENDED THAT YOU SEEK LEGAL ASSISTANCE.
Yours with Contempt,
Enid Ann
Enid’s House and Enid’s Phone
Dated this day of 14th, 2006
posted by Baar (aka Baar pronounced Bear) @ 9:26 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Enid,
Very good. What law school did you attend? I am most impressed by your use of legalese and correct procedural process. I do wonder, however, wasn't I retained by Ezra?
Ok Enid, you are right - it was you who retained me. I get so confused because of both of you have such extreme beauty and intellect - I must admit it is quite intimidating. Anyway, I was wondering if you would like a job as my legal assistant?
I am shocked that you would confuse Ezra and I - I am much prettier then Ezra and infinitely more clever. Ezra is also a boy.
The one who is not Joe explained that you probably made this error because because you have not had the pleasure of an audiance with me as of yet. I have heard that Ezra's pink nose throws people off at times.
Thank you for the offer of a position. I would certainly be an assest to any organization. But Joe always tells me that beautiful girls do not have to work (for some reason the one who is not Joe takes offence to that - odd isn't it?). As a result, I must decline. Plus I am very busy. Did you know I have three cat beds plus two human size beds to split my time between? And the birdies to supervise outside? No, I can not possibly take anything else on.
Now, what is the next step in ridding my home of SD?
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